I’ve written at length about my adventures using the public transportation here in Key West. As bus systems go, the one here in Key West is affordable, and not too terribly complicated. The busses tend to run on schedule for the most part and they keep them clean inside. I’ve told you about the rather colorful urban outdoorsman who frequent the bus stops and occasionally ride, but I haven’t mentioned the drivers themselves yet, until now.
I don’t know all the drivers but I see the same ones pretty much every time I take a ride. For the most part, everyone is jovial, or at least in a decent mood, and I make a point to thank them when I reach my destination, alive and in one piece. Then there is the Bus Nazi…Julian.
Julian is an older thin black man with not one single hair on his head. And Julian never, ever is happy. This man seems intent on letting the simple job of driving a bus become a huge exercise in stress and anger management. He is the type who has read the employee manual cover to cover, can probably recite each and every passage, and enforces the rules of the bus with an iron fist. Everyone who rides the bus on a regular basis, always moans when said bus pulls up, and Julian is at the helm. They know, no matter how hard they try, someone is going to get hollered out for some minor breach of the rules.
I’m sure that in his off time, Julian is an ok person, but once the uniform goes on, and he steps onto his bus, his mannerism and demeanor change. His movements are nervous and twitchy. He watches all movement in the bus from his mirror. He has been known to loudly speak over the intercom to wake up a passenger who dares to fall asleep during the ride, a most serious offense. I’ve seen him snatch things from people’s hands and put them in the storage compartment and scream bloody murder at anyone who tries to enter the bus from the wrong door. But his most irritating habit is to place his fingers over the slot where one slides the dollar bills into to pay for the fare, and demand to know where you are going and when you are getting off. It is soooo tempting to slam a fist down on said fingers so he won’t do it again.
I’m sure Julian means well and is just doing his job. But lighten up dude. All you are doing is driving a bus. That’s it. You never go over 35 mph, and all your passengers want is to get from point A to point 2, in one piece without the Bus Nazi barking at them over every perceived bus sin. This is a man who will not last long at this job. Stress will lead to health issues, or somebody will complain, (not me, I think it’s funny as hell to watch how serious he takes this shit), and he will be gone.
But for those of you who may end up taking the bus when you are down here, you have been warned. Watch out for the Bus Nazi.