Jul 082014

This being a new craze that has taken root across our fair land.  It’s called “Rollin’ Coal” and it ranks right up there as one of the stupidest, if not dangerous fads we have seen in recent years.  And that’s saying a lot considering how stupid this country has gotten.  What is rollin’ coal?

It’s taking a perfectly good diesel truck, and modifying the engine so it blows thick black soot and smoke out the exhaust.  Lots of it.  The reason?  To piss off the environmentalists.  You know, those of us who kinda sorta prefer to breathe clean air, drink clean water, and live on a planet that ain’t polluted beyond repair.

So why would anyone want to do such a stupid thing in the first place?   I suspect that many who do so consider themselves conservative in nature and they listen to conservative leaning media outlets like these idiots or this dumbass.  These outlets continue to bash environmentalists and deny that climate change or even pollution is occurring.  They claim it’s all a commie plot to take over the world or some bullshit.  What the viewers don’t realize is that these outlets are simply trolling people with their outlandish views, banking on the overreactions to draw in more viewers.  But rather than see through the smoke and bullshit, people believe these outlets because they are on tv or radio, and tv or radio would never lie, would they?  The inter webs are not to be trusted, but tv and radio?  Gospel truth.

Others may also be working in some industry like, oh, maybe the coal industry, or oil industry, and are watching their jobs being taken away as more people get more smarter and turn towards cleaner energy sources like that blowing wind thingy or that big yellow ball of light and heat up in the sky that mysteriously vanishes every night, but returns the next day.  How does that happen anyways?

Whatever the reason, rollin’ coal has gotta rank as one of the worst and dumbest ideas to roll out of the corner bar in a long time.  Not to mention that it is also illegal as all hell.  Trust me, having worked many a year in the fast paced and exciting world of Harley-Davidson,  I know a few things about illegally altering the exhaust systems on an infernal combustion engine.  Virtually every bike we sold, had some alterations made to the mufflers so the damn bike would be louder.  And everyone who did, usually wound up with a ticket or two as a memento to their decision to irritate everyone else within earshot.  This is no different.

I haven’t seen anyone down here roll coal on the island but I am sure it’s just a matter of time.  Sooner or later some dipshit from Miami with more money than brains is going to rumble onto Duval St. in one of these urban assault vehicles and smoke the shit out of some bike riders, some pedestrians, or send a plume of black smoke into a restaurant.  I just hope Key West’s finest is on hand to greet the little asshole appropriately.  Don’t give them a ticket, just make them put their mouth around the exhaust pipe for 5 minutes while someone revs the engine.

Capt. Fritter

We are really going downhill as a species.

  2 Responses to “Exactly How Small Of A Penis Do You Need To Be Doing This?…”

  1. we started down hill.
    how much lower can we go?
    the abyss.

  2. I understand why riders felt the need to participate in the loud muffler phenomenon on motorcycles but think the need for it has decreased since the Start Seeing Motorcycles campaign began. I see no need at all for rollin’ coal, though.