Dec 172014

As a follow up to yesterday’s post about Haint Blue porch ceilings, I went into town to do some minor things and whilst there happen upon two buildings that make a very good representation of the Key West of old, and where Key West is heading to.  First the future:

IMG_1904Notice on this rather stark and featureless building at the top where there is a porch.  The ceiling is the same shade of white as the rest of the building.  No haint here.  Wanna know the back story on this edifice?  Of course you do.

This is the brand new Marker Resort in Key West.  Just finished and opened this month.  Located on the corner of William Street and Lazy Lane Way the building overlooks the harbor right behind the Schooner Wharf.  What the Schooner Wharf has in Key West character, the Marker lacks with a sterile, cookie cutter, run of the mill hotel that looks like it was built from the discount catalog of Home Depot.  This wart on the island has all the appeal of a 1950’s army barracks.  You can stay here for the princely sum of $369 per night, depending on the season.

And guess who built this thing?  Go on, guess.

That’s right.  HE WHO SHALL NOT BE NAMED!  My favorite asshole in Key West was the guiding light behind this monstrosity.  Which makes it even more sad.  Here is a man, renowned for his many achievements, I’m guessing by others equally lacking in talent, who has been known to travel the world to find just the right door knobs.  Yet he designs a resort in the middle of Key West, and does not even follow tradition by painting the porch ceilings Haint Blue.  Which kinda surprises me given the strict building codes they have for the historic district upon which this monument to blandness stands.  Brilliant.

I hate to go all Godwin here but Albert Speer, chief architect for that lovable gang known as the Nazi’s had better taste than this asshole.  Yet, they still let him build here.  It’s a damn shame.  But let’s move on to the past, shall we?

Take a look at this porch:


That is some serious Haint going on there.  And it matches up rather nicely with the red doors, which is coincidently, the name of the building.


Located on the corner of William and Caroline, the Red Door building is a popular stop for sightseers.  It currently houses some dress boutiques and has quite the interesting history.  Would you like to know more?

Built about 150 years ago, the building was not always a dress shop.  In fact, it was home to a nice little family cafe known as the “Bucket Of Blood” Tavern.  Ye olde Bucket was once known as one of the rowdiest and notorious bars in Key West and parts nearby.  Frequented by the less reputable in town, it was rumored that when one walked in, two bouncers would stop one and ask if one was carrying any weapons.  If one were to say “No”, a weapon was provided by said bouncers.  This place made your average biker bar look like a bingo parlor.  And if there is one thing I am familiar with, it’s biker bars.  And that was just the downstairs.

Upstairs was a house of ill repute where ladies of the town plied their advocation, or in more familiar parlance, my ex girlfriends would have worked there.  Seems these ladies were adapted at many skills, including pick pocketing.  Many a customer left a bit lighter in the wallet, in fact many left without their wallets.  How do we know?  When they re furbished the building many years later and tore out the interior walls, they found piles of empty wallets that the wimmen had stolen, cleaned out, and threw into holes in the wall.

So this innocent looking building with the nice red doors and haint blue on the porch ceilings has more character in it’s walls, than that other place will ever have.  A true Key West building.  Check it out next time you are in town.

Capt. Fritter

And bring your own weapon.