I’m sitting around playing on the computatater as I usually do these days, fiddling about here and there, when I suddenly noticed something. Somewhere in mid fiddle, I found myself looking at boat ads…for like an hour. Nothing special, just perusing what’s for sale here and there about the state. There are a few nice 22′ Catalinas being sold off by a sailing club up in Key Largo. Some good looking 27′ sloops up the east coast which look ripe for the pickin’. Even a Gemini or two here and there and….goddamitalltohell. There I go again.
In just a couple of short months I’ve forgotten all the troubles, trials, and tribulations of owning and living on a boat and I’m, absent mindingly of course, ‘just looking’. Which in my current financial condition is all I can afford to do.
I don’t know. I guess after 5 years of living on a sailboat, it’s kinda, sorta, hard to just quit cold turkey. It’s an addiction. I’ve got a sea monkey on my back and I can’t shake it. I need a maritime intervention, or some nautical morphine to break the curse. Or I could just say, ‘Fuck It’, and find another damn boat.
I don’t know why I’m even looking at the moment. As I mentioned, I do not have the means to get another damn boat. But the urge remains. I’m doing ok where I’m living at the moment. The room I’m renting works for what I need. It’s private, affordable, no lease, good internet, and the location is ok. So why am I so restless? Actually, I’m always restless, it just seems more so than usual lately.
Part of it may be that despite all the advantages of the room, I’m still sharing with other people. While said people are easy going and we all rarely see nor talk to each other, it’s still not a place of my own. But, given what I have decided to do, this may well be the norm for awhile. It’s cost prohibitive to rent a stand alone place in Key West, as well as other places I am thinking of visiting. So unless a remarkable turn around occurs with my income streams soon, this is the type of set up I will have to deal with. It’s just that I’m so used to having a place of my own, and sharing only with non humans, that makes adjusting to this situation a bit more difficult. Maybe that says something about me that I would rather live with a couple of cats on a small boat than a human in a full size home but so be it. It’s my way and I will not apologize for it.
The other part is the fact that I still look at boat living as a viable lifestyle. I suspect I would yet be on the boat had my finances not gotten in such a dire strait. And yes, dealing with the marinas was a pain in the ass, but there was always a feeling that given the right circumstances, I could have untied the lines and done some proper sailing up and down the islands. A feeling which still stirs, or maybe it’s just heartburn. Could go either way.
So I still look, and dream a bit, and wonder. But not yet. All I need to do is look at some of the things I want to do. The hike up the AT is not out of the question. Maui is just a airline flight away from reality. Both will happen and both will happen way more easily if I don’t have a boat to worry about.
Perhaps when I set foot on the distant shore of that island out in the Pacific, I’ll forget about boat living for awhile. It’s not a viable way to live out there. Same with hiking. If I’m up in the sticks trudging over mountains, dodging bears, my mind probably won’t be on boating. And stuff like those dreams may well be what I need to break out of this funk I’ve been in since I lost my two roommates and decided to get rid of the boat.
I should just stay put and deal with what I got at the moment. I have other things I need to constipate on this summer. Renewing the captain license, building up the new websites, maybe adding some more, and I got a project or two that has been sitting on the back burner for a while that I need to just sit my ass down and work on. This summer is shaping up to be an ideal time to do all that. Maui is not going anywhere. Hiking can wait until next year. I’ve got the room for as long as I want it, or can afford it. Distractions are at a minimum for the moment. Might as well take care of all this in the here and now.
Still, it’s fun to look. I enjoy just gazing at the ads. Seeing some nice, sleek little boat, just sitting there waiting to go someplace, it reminds me of when I first starting looking at boats to live on, 8 years ago. I guess no matter what, that feeling will never leave me. Someday I will probably be living on the water again.
But not today. I can beat this.