Jul 032016
 

Cause it sure as hell ain’t here.

As I write this sure-to-be-award-winning-post on Saturday, July 2nd, here in the hinterlands of Pa., the forecast for tonight is for lows in the 40’s.  40 degrees…in July.  I’m trying to think what the benefits of a temperature in the 40’s is good for and I can’t think of anything.  It’s too cold to go outside without extra clothes.  It’s too warm for a cold drink.  Temps in the 40’s are useless.

Summer here is myth.  It does get in the 80’s on occasion and the rumor, if you can believe the weather bunnies up here, is for temps near 90 later in the week.  But there is no humidity and definitely no sea breeze.  Just a lot of pollen.  The air conditioner here at the apartment has yet to be turned on.  Open windows and the occasion fan are sufficient.   But it sure is not hot here, despite what the locals think.

As you may guess, I really, really, really like summer.  I’m talking real summer.  The hot/humid/stormy island kind of summer.  Unlike a certain peanut who is apparently allergic to summer, I live for hot weather.  It is one, if not one of the primary reasons I left this place and moved to Florida 40 years ago.  I despise winter and all the miserable cold it brings with it.  I have no use for the change of seasons.  Eternal summer suits me just fine and right now, summer seems like an eternity away.

Yeah, I get hot in the tropical weather.  I sweat like anyone else and once in a while getting out of the heat and into some ac is nice.  I had ac on the boat, a necessity to keep mold and mildew to a minimum, plus the cats were not as big a fan of the heat as I am.  But I still prefer the heat.

All my clothes are designed for living in hot weather.  Light in weight and colors.  When you live in the tropical heat for very long you quickly learn the heavy clothes you wore up north are worthless.  Up here it is the opposite.  It’s difficult to find island wear in the mountains.  And you stick out like a tourist in Key West when you wear said island wear.

I argue constantly with family members who laugh when I say I am cold while they are all sweating.  It’s a constant fight over open windows, fans running, and how sensitive I am to cold.  But it’s real.

To me, cold hurts.  Physically hurts.  Cold is painful to me, especially when I can’t get warm.  I can’t stand to be somewhere, shivering, unable to get warm.  I hate having to wear extra layers of clothes and bundling up just to go outside.  If I can’t run around in shorts, a fishing shirt, and boat shoes, with my hat and sunglasses, then it’s too damn cold.

People tell me I’ll get used to it or it’s all in my mind.  No, I won’t get used to it.  I never did when I lived here as a youth.  It’s not in my mind neither.  It’s too fucking cold and I’ll be damn if I got to put up with it.

For those of you who like the cold weather, the change of seasons, have at it.  You can keep it.  Deal with having to keep a different wardrobe for each season.  Have fun raking leaves and shoveling all the frozen white shit which falls from the sky.  Give me the warm tropical breezes, the humidity, the smell of the ocean, and warm rains.  I can stay cool a lot easier and cheaper than you can stay warm.  Summer is definitely more better. 

Capt. Fritter

  2 Responses to “If Anybody Knows Where Summer Is, Let Me Know…”

  1. it’s not all in your mind.
    but I should trade places with you.
    it sounds like heaven to me.
    the other morning here it was over 80 at 5:30 in the morning with HIGH humidity.
    stupid.
    and no ocean breeze.
    the CATS had the right idea.

  2. I did not like Florida–too much heat, humidity, and critters for me. Isn’t it great that there are different climates for different people? Now if we could just all arrange to be in the right one instead of you there now, peanut in the OK heat, and me stuck here in the winter. Too much wrong with that picture.