Jul 222016

Everyone is losing their shit over a little heat wave around here and apparently over the rest of the any part of the country not desert nor tropical island.  I mean, what the hell is going on?  A heat wave in late July?  Surely it is the end times.  People are in an absolute panic because the big yellow thingie in the sky is giving out heat.  Like it does all the time.

I’m not one to brag on my experience but this is the 62nd summer I have been through and guess what?  It was hot in all of them.  Each one was uncold, bereft of coolness, warm, tepid, and generally not freezing.  Yet, here we are again, in the middle of said summer, and the entire country is going apeshit because it’s a little warm.

The whole thing is nothing but media hype.  A conspiracy by BIG AIR to sell more air conditioners, supported by BIG WATER to sell more overpriced-organic-free range-spring fed water.  Don’t fall for it.  It’s all bullshit.

You can do one of two things here.  Bitch, moan, whine, and snivel about the heat whist sitting in the comfort of your sterile air-conditioned homes sipping said over priced water, (certain peanut excluded), or put on some lightweight and cooler clothing, then go find a nice tiki bar with a big fan running overhead, park your sweaty ass in a barstool and enjoy the glorious season known as summer.

Quit yer bitchin’ and go find out if your sunscreen and deodorant live up to the promises of the manufacturers.

Capt. Fritter

BTW, there is a rumor flying around it will be freezing cold in January.  Just so you know.

  5 Responses to “Hot? In Late July? What Are The Odds…”

  1. you arse hole.
    we suffered in silence the repeated bitching and moaning about … how COLD you were there in your hated PA.
    you couldn’t walk anywhere. all you could do was EAT. would the sun ever shine again? how would you stand it
    til you could get back to the rock?
    well let me tell you something. when it’s so hot and humid that you can’t breathe properly. and if it’s 115 or higher…
    it can cause strokes and heart attacks. I promise to quit complaining about the HEAT if you promise to quit complaining
    about the COLD and DREARY PA.
    and I WALKED this morning!! and every morning. while you were eating!
    with love and a knock on your head…
    signed the beloved peanut.

    • We have had the ac on in the apartment for the last 3 days. I’ve been freezing.
      C. F.

  2. LOL! i’m not laughing AT you. I promise.
    i’m laughing with you.
    well. maybe at you.
    and I just read it again and you EXCLUDED the peanut.
    so I apologize for the rant.
    I think you should walk out in the sunshine and get the ingredients for
    a KEY LIME PIE made with love by the hands of a great pirate migrant! ♥

  3. We’re having Keys weather here in Minnesota. Thunderstorms are making it both hot and humid. Guess I need to go find a tiki bar. Might be harder to do here, though.