Jan 022017

So, you made it through the holiday season.  You put in all those extra hours.  You went the extra mile for the customer as well as the company.  You came in early, stayed late, missed all the holiday fun so you could hit those sales goals, complete the inventories, and get those TPS reports filed on time.  Now it’s finally over.  You’re exhausted, spent, and you are looking forward to some easy months as the new year kicks in.  Well, not so fast there worker bee.  The feces is just about to hit the wind movement device.

Everyone loves to use the start of a new year as a new beginning.  Out with the old habits, time to form new ones.  ‘Resolutions’ they are called.  Promises to one’s self to be a more better person in the coming year.  No more mistakes like last year.  Improvements, enhancements, and more betterments all around.  But this year, it’s gonna be different starting right now dammit!

Yeah, get back to me in February on how it’s all working out for you.

While we seldom go through with any resolutions on a personal level, it’s not a big deal when we fail.  It just means we put on some extra weight instead of losing it, continued with habits we thought we could stop because we are too weak to quit, and wind up doing the same thing next year.  No harm, no foul.  Just another year older and ten pounds fatter.

But, individuals are not the only ones who like to make promises at the start of the new year.  Corporations are infamous for doing the same thing.  The difference here is when a corporate resolution is made, the worker bee pays the price, in more ways than one.

When you return to work today, tomorrow or whenever your new work year begins, chances are one of the first things you will be doing, other than apologizing for your behavior at the staff holiday party, is going to a meeting.  It may be just you and your corporate overlord, your department, or if possible, the entire organization.  At said meeting you will hear things such as:

Last year was good but you could do better.

We came up short of our sales goals so no bonus this year.  (Management excepted)

Your efforts were not good enough.

You didn’t go the extra mile.  (Your idea of an extra mile is way shorter than a corporate definition of an extra mile)

It’s time for some changes around here.

Beware of the last phrase.  Changes is a buzzword meaning heads are going to roll.  Somebody or somebodies are about to made an example of.  They are about to be demoted, humiliated, or unemployed.

At my final gig working at a dealership the sales manager took vacation over the holidays to be with his kids.  Upon coming back, without any warning, he was fired.  The market for motorcycle sales was tanking but the dealership needed a scapegoat.  Why accept reality when you can make excuses and fire somebody?

Anyways, at said meeting you will hear things like, enhancements, improvements, efficiency, work ethic, dedication, along with threats of firings, pay cuts, curtailing of any perks, and even personal threats.  All of these are just corporate buzzwords to make you, the worker bee, work harder and longer for less money and benefits.

New policies will be set in place.  New rules will be enacted.  Punishments will be doled out to those who do not obey.  Jobs will always be threatened.  It’s just a fucking game by the corporate warlords to get more production and profit out of the worker bees.

As with anything else in the corporate world, it’s all bullshit.

Like any personal resolution, chances are most of these new enhancements and improvements will fall by the wayside by February as reality sets in.  Some worker bees will get fired or laid off, just to show the others the corporate masters mean business.  But it doesn’t really matter.

No matter what changes are made, no matter how hard you work over the coming year, no matter how much extra effort you put in, it will never, ever be enough to satisfy the corporate warlords.  Even if you do hit your sales goals, or even more worse exceed them, the goals for next year will be even higher and more unobtainable.  It’s a simple trick corporations use to keep the worker bees distracted by how meaningless and useless their efforts are.  The carrot and the stick routine.  Make vague promises of vast riches, tease with little perks, give promotions in title only with extra responsibilities but no more money.  Keep the worker bees thinking they are just a step away from the promised land, and then take said promised land and move it even further out of reach.

It’s a game, people and you are being used.  You will never do enough to satisfy the corporate lust for more profits.  Never.   You can keep fooling yourself into thinking you are an important part of the machine, but you ain’t nothing but an extra piece which will be replaced at first sign of failure.  You are being lied to everyday by a propaganda machine and you need to stop falling for the lies.  It’s time you started to use the brain thingy in your head and try some critical thinking.

The more sooner you understand how much bullshit the corporate warlords are throwing at you the more sooner you will smarten up and find a more better way in life.  All your goals in life, your dreams, your desires, are meaningless to a corporation who’s only concern is to make the most money with the least amount of cost.  If they can sit you down in a meeting, throw a bunch of nonsensical buzzwords at you, make some veiled threats, and get you to work harder for them, then they will have succeeded, and you?  Well, you’ll be another year older without having lived your life the way you wanted too.

You want some real new years resolutions?

Don’t fall for the bullshit.

Believe nothing.

Question everything.

Think critically.

Take chances.

Seek adventure.

Time for some changes?  You better believe it is.  So start making some.

Capt. Fritter

  One Response to “Time For Some Changes Around Here…”

  1. And there you go. Welcome to all you former Macy’s worker bees. C’mon in, make yourself comfy. http://www.nytimes.com/2017/01/04/business/macys-jobs-layoffs.html?_r=3&utm_source=fark&utm_medium=website&utm_content=link&ICID=ref_fark

    C. F.