Over a month now since the fall from grace but things are looking good for the person doing the falling from said grace. Physical therapy 3 times a week is doing wonders. A walker is still needed but a cane is in the near future. The pain is subsiding, no thanks in part to the pile of pills which must be taken every day. But overall, things are improving. If the patient is going to run into any problems it will be because of over confidence. There is the mistaken belief a complete recovery will happen and things will revert back to the way they were before said fall. I sincerely doubt it. At 83, you don’t heal as well, but who am I to say otherwise.
Myself on the other hand, am deteriorating rapidly. I put on a ton of weight this summer, so much so, I had to go up a shirt size. I have aches and pains constantly and managed to pull a muscle in my back a few days ago. I’m woefully out of shape and get winded just walking down the hall. Allergies continue to plague me, particularly with a nagging cough which kicks up when I talk, eat, or breathe. I’ve been taking whatever I can over the counter but it ain’t working. During the day I can pretty much get around but sleeping is a near impossibility. I cannot remember the last time I had a decent night’s sleep. If for some reason, and it will never happen, I had to stay here permanently, I would not survive a full year.
Mentally I am shot at the moment. My hatred of this place knows no bounds. It’s a fifty/fifty chance every time I go out to the store of me going off and just beating the crap out of some rude jerk who can’t seem to figger out how to walk down a fucking aisle in a grocery store without blocking the whole thing. This environment will suck the life out you. It really is amazing dull here. People shamble around like zombies going through the motions of life. Work, eat, sleep, die is all they do. There are no dreams here. No urge to travel and see the big scary world. The local tv stations are an unending array of programing telling everyone how everything and everyone everywhere else on the planet will kill them. Diseases are all over the place. Danger lurks in every corner. Stay home. Do your job. Take care of your house. Take no chances. Obey your doctors.
I sat at dinner the other night with some friends and told them about how a friend of mine was planning to sail across the Atlantic. I mentioned how she had quit a dead end job, sold her house, and went to Europe. Instead of praising her for the adventure, they questioned why she would quit a perfectly good job and sell a perfectly good house. The idea of sailing the oceans is a foreign to them as taking a spaceship to Mars. It’s simply not done. “She must be rich”, said one person. They have no clue about real life. It’s pathetic really.
The upside is there appears to be an end to all this. I am shooting for September to make a move either to Key West or Hawaii. It’s a toss up right now. Which ever place has the more better opportunity for an affordable place to live, be it a boat, apartment, or hammock back in the woods. It’s been nearly three years since I had a place of my own, sharing with something with 4 paws instead of another human. Mind you I don’t resent being here to help with the recovery. I would have come back anyways had I been away. My help here has been appreciated and it gave me a good chance to see what I am up against if something more serious should occur. This is family and helping them, as they have helped me in the past is not an issue. But damn, it sure will be nice to get back on my own again.
It’s been way too long since I have lived on my own, at my own schedule, and in my own way. I’m tired of living according to someone else’s rules. I just need to start getting serious about finding said place. The cold of winter will set upon this land very soon and I have made it abundantly clear to all concerned I will not be here when said cold makes it’s arrival. It’s one thing to be miserable, much more worse to be miserable and cold. Not happening this time. I just hope I can hold on for a bit longer.