I’m pretty sure I’m suffering from radiation sickness. Despite the assurance the past weekend was a false alarm, I firmly believe missiles did indeed explode around Hawaii and I am now suffering the effects of said explosion. I have all the symptoms. Stuffy head, runny nose, hacking and coughing, sneezing, and fever. I’m tired and run down, and feel like shit.
Yes, I know, radiation sickness sounds suspiciously like a head cold. So how do I know it’s not a cold? This:
Ever since Saturday there have been strange colors in the sky. I see them all over the place out here. This ain’t natural I tell ya. The sky is supposed to be blue, not all these different colors. Has to be the result of nuclear explosions. Has nothing to do with me riding around in a bus with sick urban outdoorsmen or tourists bringing in their nasty germs from other countries. Has to be radiation sickness.
If you see these strange colors in the sky, run. It means the missiles are exploding. Stock up on tissue, aspirin, and chicken soup. Get plenty of rest and drink lots of fluids. I can’t think of anything worse than…Oh wait…getting another emergency alert on my phone…
Oh yes. This is way more worse.